RJC

I have lived in a place of fear for a very long time. I came under trying to gain approval after two traumatic experiences occurred within a month of each other. I lived with lies and accusations.

Though I see where our family was hit spiritually (and I can fight better now), so much time has taken place, that I feel like I lost the deep and meaningful connection with my children.

My heart has grieved over this.

What’s more, is that where I tried to live without my needs being met for a very long time, I now struggle with my memory.

The need for deeper connections, and the need to feel wanted and accepted, have created a huge cavern in my heart that I do not know what to do about it.

I also, for the “sake of connection”, began getting involved with FB and a couple of online games. They have become my “go to” when I felt anxious or overwhelmed with emotion. I know it was not a healthy choice, but at the time I reasoned.

I know I need the Lord, but I still find the lack of real fellowship to be a hindrance.

The traumatic occurrences were a big separation from the church we were sent to serve (for 23 years), and very hard marital issues occurring one month after the church issue began. (Our marriage is still in need of mending, and it has been over 10 years since these occurrences.)

Where I used to be such a part of things, I began to live in a cocoon, and I know the lack of meaningful fellowship (where I can be understood and be myself), has hurt.

I am afraid to “come out” now, lest I overwhelm people. I am a people person.

I appreciate your prayers!

Received: August 17, 2019