By Doctors Gary and Greg Smalley from the DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships   

One way to picture what can happen is to imagine your offended teen as someone who has been out in cold weather too long. After the skin becomes numb, he or she can no longer feel the painful wind. In the same way, some teens seem indifferent or callous toward a parent because the relationship has gone on so long without the warmth of forgiveness for offenses committed. Once you seek forgiveness, however, it's like soaking that numb skin in warm water. Although the warm bath (forgiveness) is healthy, it doesn't bring instant relief. Instead, it initially causes a painful, tingling sensation. It first makes the skin feel worse before it begins to feel better. Likewise, it might take your hurting teenager some time to warm up to your forgiveness.

No matter how he responds, never drop the issue altogether simply because he isn't ready to forgive. Let the situation "warm up" for a while on its own; then come back and repeat the four steps.

Perhaps your act of tenderness was not what your teen needed. You may need to choose another way to demonstrate softness.

Maybe your teen did not feel you listened to her pain. We can't emphasize enough the importance of listening. Ask yourself, Did I really listen to my offended child? Was I trying to defend my actions or justify why I behaved the way I did? If you're not sure, go back and listen carefully to her pain or frustration.